This week I asked my stepmom and my
husband to fill out the three communications assessments about myself. The most
surprising aspect I found was that my husband evaluated my verbal
aggressiveness as 'significant'. I was under the impression that we had
successful communications and that we talked things out very well. I was
surprised to find that I made him feel attacked or put down when we discussed
certain topics. He clarified that he does not always feel this way but if there
is a point that I really want to make that I will make it despite his feelings.
I was very saddened by this and I am determined to not let anger or meanness
find its way into our communications anymore.
I also learned that I still have a
high level of social anxiety that I had thought was more under control. I fear
that this might negatively affect social life as well as my professional work
in regards to my relationships with coworkers. Also any time that I may need to
speak in meetings or conferences this may become an issue.
One other aspect about my
communication skills that I learned this week is that I have a people-oriented
listening style. I think that this could either help or hurt, depending on the
context, because of the level of empathy involved in this style. I think that
it could help in that it can help me listen closely and truly to children,
coworkers, and families. However, it may negatively affect me because empathy
may affect proper judgment of a situation.
HI Jennifer, it appears that the assessments have informed you of some things that you didn't know about yourself. I know that you are shocked at how your husband views your aggressiveness but now that you know he feels that way at times. Maybe you can ask him to inform you of the times when he feels you are aggressive.
ReplyDeleteI had my boyfriend's daughter complete an assessment and my aggressiveness score was near significant for her but not for my son. I assume that she feels this way because of the communications with her dad is very aggressive at times but I guess that is how things are in relationships.
I loved reading your post, keep up the good work. Janine
Thanks so much for sharing your personal story Janine. I had asked my teenage sons to evaluate me and had a similar result! They scored me as significantly aggressive. I tried to tell myself it was the age...but I had to admit that I am sometimes impatient with them and then sarcastic. It is hard to have loved ones be critical but I think it helps us in the long run to know how they feel. I would not ever purposely say hurtful things to my son so talking this over with them will make me a better communicator....and them too, I hope. This assignment was enlightening and reading your thoughts helped to deepen my understanding. Thanks, Tammy
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer, I enjoyed reading your post. My husband also found my communication as verbally aggressive as well. I can also relate to your anxiety about speaking publicly. This is definitely an area I need practice in. I also scored as people-oriented on my listening style. We seem to have some communication skills in common. I feel that my aggressive nature with my husband is due to a very high comfort level between us and years of getting to know each other. Once again I enjoyed reading your post. Cindy Ferguson
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed learning about you and how you communicate with others. There are times we don't know we are acting in aggressive manner because of all the things we have to do in a day.However, one of the things I had to do is stop wearing a watch, and to stop rushing with the ticks of the clock. I now take my time and move at a pace with less aggressive action. That may mean listening, talking, or just being aware of how someone feels.
ReplyDelete